So I finally got that job here. I landed one working at a small production company as a PA. It comes complete with a mac, a small personal office space, free lunches and a really cool boss who keeps a bottle of absolut stocked in the fridge for those really hard days. I'm going to be able to use my mandarin at this job, and she's encouraging me to pick up cantonese as well. I guess this is it, if I want it to be.
Then why am I up at 3am blogging when I really should be getting rest for tomorrow's work day? Can't sleep. Apparently maternal nagging reaches across oceans and keeps you awake in the middle of the night.
It's been a while since I've lived under the cloud of my parent's disapproval. That while has been the half year that I've been here as a language student. It's pretty much the only thing that I've ever done in my entire life that they've supported completely. And now I get the job and announce it to my parents and they say, "we're getting worried about you. This is not what we wanted for you when you went to China." Seems that they'd rather have me go to school full-time and do absolutely nothing with my life.
I'd like to think that there are many mothers out there who would appreciate a son that was smart enough to know his anthro degree wasn't going to land him any jobs, and actually went out to build up his CV... as opposed to the son (like many language students in Shanghai) who doesn't even really make it to all 15 hours of class per week and spends the rest of their time living off daddy's wallet.
I can't think clearly, I can't even write. I dreamed about Steven and realized how much I miss him and the relationship that we had so long ago. I wonder if my parents are just starting to realize that my stay in Shanghai is definitely indefinite. I look around this place and ask myself when the peacefulness of anonymity will turn into loneliness.
I stay away from my parents because it keeps me sane, but it's time like these that remind me why I've never let them in to my life. If it's not about my career, or whether or not I will really be able to speak fluently within a year or anything that they mentioned to me. If they're making me second guess my big move and my career path because they don't want to see me settle out here--because they miss me... I'll tell them that I'm gay and ask if they still want me back.
