It's hard being at home.

Everyone's yelling at each other and it makes me sad for home. Though it seems I try so hard to keep my distance from my family, I often wonder. I wonder what it's like for my mom to go into the same office every day for the past 20 years. I wonder if Nordstroms makes her happy on the weekends. I wonder if she ever thinks of learning new dishes to cook, or if she's content with the same ones she's been making for us all this time. I wonder if she ever wanted to be a mom. I wonder if this is what she wanted for us all.

I wonder what it's like for my dad to hold on to a business that everyone else seems to hate. I wonder what it's like to make a company your life. I wonder if he'll ever be okay with the way things are going to turn out. I wonder how often he regrets marrying my mom.

I wonder about my brother and the girl he's chasing. I wonder if he loves the chase or if he just wants to love something. I wonder if he's getting lost in someone outside of this house. I wonder if he'll have the first grandchildren, if I'll become an uncle to his children.

I wonder about my older brother and what will make him happy. I wonder if he even knows himself. I wonder if he's as much like me as I think he is. I wonder if he worries about his siblings. I wonder if he thinks it's his job to make sure that we turn out ok. I wonder if he knows when to be selfish.